


not your(yer) typical ex

by SilverMoonT



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMoonT/pseuds/SilverMoonT
Summary: "D’you regret it?"It’s the same question.Years go by, seasons change, and life goes on.Suna bites his lower lip and shakes his head. "With you, never."It’s the same answer, always, over and over again.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 84
Collections: SunaOsa





	not your(yer) typical ex

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 Prompt: distance / internet
> 
> ships: atsukitakomo, bokuaka, washikono

**goodbye;**

Suna wants to continue with his eyes closed, only focusing on Osamu's chest, rising and falling, slowly, and calmly. No rush. He doesn’t want to think about the time or how he is in a hurry, about the future or what he continues to think about, but he has to because life is life and he can’t fight with it, against it. One of Osamu's arms continues on his shoulders while with his other hand he keeps caressing his cheek, lightly, gently, running his thumb over his skin. One of Suna’s hands stays open on Osamu's chest, the movement of his breathing showing that they are again spending a quiet afternoon between the two, enjoying the day off from training, while his other hand remains between their bodies, without being anywhere in particular, without creating more contact even if he’s longing for it.

He opens his eyes because he’s not the same person from last year, the one who hid his feelings behind messages or slight physical actions in the least unexpected moments. He no longer suffers because he likes Osamu and can’t tell him because confessing feelings and expressing them out loud is not an easy thing to do as the movies show. It's nerves, fear, and sometimes even the urge to vomit, tears, maybe a little bit of screaming. He is not worried about the possibility of Osamu not corresponding to his feelings, since now they are in their last year of high school, just a few days before graduating, and he knows that his feelings are mutual because Osamu is by his side, and knows that both of them can still laugh at the way in which Osamu months ago had decided to assure him that they both like each other after cornering him at the end of a practice to kiss him, the contact between their lips being the first of all those who have followed them.

He is not worried because perhaps a relationship with Osamu is just a creation of his mind, but because it’s something real, and the existence of it means that the feelings around it are just as real, alive. They have been dating and being a couple for several months, the relationship between them only changing after adding their hands running their bodies and their lips kissing different parts of their skins, since the closeness and time spent together remains the same, as well as also the confidence and comfort that both provide each other. He keeps his eyes open because the hand caressing his cheek slides down his neck and then down his arm to finally end its path on his hand.

"I know you wanna say it."

Suna is not surprised to hear Osamu express those words. Sometimes they don't need to look at each other to know what the other is thinking, since it’s only enough that Suna's shoulders remain tense despite being comfortable so that Osamu knows the words he wants to say but that he doesn’t dare to pronounce because in fact, neither of them wants to hear them but have to. Suna really just wants to continue that way, laying with Osamu by his side, the two of them together and united, spending a quiet afternoon without interruptions, enjoying each other's company; but if Osamu knows that he wants to stop remaining silent, then Suna trusts that the right time to open his mouth has arrived.

Finally he raises his head to watch Osamu and his hand on his chest transforms into a soft fist at the same time that he leaves his elbow on the mattress, as Osamu moves his hands towards his neck, caressing him with his thumbs and so preventing him from moving, that being his way being of assuring him that he agrees with the situation, and that he will not allow Suna to move his head to stop seeing him and therefore be a coward at that moment. They both stare at each other, one more time allowing each other to lose themselves in gold and gray. Suna knows the true brown underneath that gray, as well as that the only thing that changes is the color because Osamu continues to feel the same for him when he sees him that way, with contact lenses, or when they are about to fall asleep and the darkness is with them, as well as the true brownish hue of his eyes.

"We have to break up." Suna finally says.

_Seconds_

It’s not a fight, it’s not a discussion, there are no screams, there are no tears.

Yet.

It’s a decision.

It’s life assuring them that now the future will have five hours of distance between them instead of just fifteen minutes between their houses or three desks when a blackboard is in front of them. Suna will move to Tokyo to continue playing professional volleyball while Osamu will stay in Hyogo to kick-start his plan to turn his love for food into a career. The two of them will continue to use their hands in different ways, blocking players and cooking, wrapping fingers with tape and setting ovens, missing travelling each other's skin with their fingertips, just as Osamu continues to do despite the words expressed and heard at that moment.

_Minutes_

"I know." Osamu says.

Suna wanders his face with his eyes, from the barely visible sad smile that he’s forming with his lips that he has kissed so many times with his own, to the tip of his nose that Osamu usually makes him touch with his when he is in a bad mood and he doesn't want to speak, and the gray of his pupils that hides brown behind them, the same ones still focused on him, staring at him, blinking, capturing his face too, details that are no longer necessary to hide because they are honest with each other, and just as they are sincere with gestures and expressions, they are also sincere with words.

The graduation is near and with it many changes are coming.

The physical distance between the two will increase and walking will no longer be enough. Sharing class will no longer be possible and the gym as well as the locker room will no longer be spaces where they can share some affectionate gestures, sometimes simply for the sake of it, sometimes just to make Atsumu and Gin pretend to have nausea when they see them. Suna will have a new number on his back as well as a new uniform color while Osamu will leave his in the past.

"I don't want to call you my ex." Suna wrinkles his nose.

Osamu raises one of the corners of his mouth after watching that gesture and looks at him.

"A former teammate? Classmate?" He offers.

Suna bites his lower lip and Osamu laughs when he rolls his eyes.

"Atsumu Miya’s twin." Suna says, and Osamu narrows his gaze.

"You did not just say that."

"Yes. Yes I did."

Suna smiles amused and Osamu shakes his head until he decides to erase the smiling expression from his face after taking advantage of the fact that his hands are still on the back of his neck, to erase the distance between them after bringing him closer and joining his lips to his, promptly the smile on Suna's face disappearing. Their hearts are broken not because they are fighting and it’s the end for the two of them, but because they know that although they have determined that they must break, it’s not a true end.

"We're done." Suna sighs on his lips.

"We're done." Osamu repeats in the same low tone of voice.

And they kiss again. They kiss because the end of their relationship doesn’t mean no longer wanting to kiss or hug each other, to continue looking at each other or to know each other. Their feelings remain the same regardless of the words expressed and their hands quickly seek each other since they still love each other and if they end it’s because they love each other too much to know that five hours apart between them is enough for them to decide to put an expiration date to the relationship between the two; they know that it seems little, but in reality it’s a lot. They make the decision to choose that afternoon as the end of their relationship because life is about making decisions and some are good while some are bad. It’s not a farewell or an eternal end, it’s a choice that breaks them inside as well as makes them stronger than ever before.

_Hours_

Suna looks at his bed with a neutral expression as he drops his backpack on his floor to stand next to the edge of it. He has just returned from Osamu's house, still with traces of his lips on his, as well as all the emotions they had shared by finally choosing an official end for their relationship. He looks at his bed, the afternoons he had spent there with Osamu appearing in his head, as well as the nights they had passed, sometimes doing nothing more than sleeping because the next day they had practice and didn’t want Kita to scold them, as well as later Atsumu, while other times taking advantage of the darkness of the night to embrace each other, to take refuge in each other, discovering their bodies and exploring the most hidden corners of their souls, with physical caresses, whispered words and covered laughter.

Instead of his head being the one to rest on his pillow, his face is the one to sink into cotton when he doesn’t hesitate to drop onto the mattress as if his body were a feather. His feels like he can’t breathe and he doesn’t know if it’s because he should raise his head or because he will continue to feel the pressure in his chest even if he turns around or sits. He pursues his lips because the discomfort in his body is not physical and squeezes his eyes because he doesn’t want to cry, but still brings his arms under the pillow to grasp his taped fingers to the texture of it and stifle a cry against the softness of his pillow that copes with the roughness of his way of showing that his emotions due to his end with Osamu hurt him, and for the same reason he doesn't care if his pillow is also left with traces of tears.

They haven't fought, they haven't screamed, but it hurts.

He knows that he can’t do anything, it’s a decision that they have made and with which they both agree, but it still hurts because he will go from seeing Osamu every day to never seeing him, only when he come backs to Hyogo once the volleyball season ends and therefore he has time to come back, probably with nerves in his body and questions in his head. He is not ready to face graduation and neither the changes after graduation. He knows that there are more tragic events, people who are suffering more than him; so he finally takes his face off his pillow but sees it with a frown as well as an annoyed pout when he glimpses black spots on the whiteness of it. He thinks he is stupid, and that he is somewhat lucky because at least he hadn’t cried in front of Osamu with the eyeliner that is clearly not waterproof.

He wonders if Osamu is crying too, probably cooking something to try to distract himself from his own thoughts. Inevitably he allows his face to meet his pillow again because he is already thinking about Osamu and has hardly spent time away from him, even though he is in the same region. He realizes that it will be difficult to face life from that moment on, and he can only snort because he no longer knows what else to do.

_Days_

Suna looks at himself in the mirror, and wonders if the hickeys on his neck will make him stand still, looking at himself that way every time he meets his own reflection. After three years with the words _"Who needs memories"_ , he thinks that it’s somewhat funny having purple marks decorating the whiteness of his skin, the same ones affirming that there have been shared memories as well as moments spent with someone else. He lets out a sigh because if he relates the banner of his school from which he has already graduated with what turns out to be evidence of the traces of a habit, it’s because he is stupid and making decisions is difficult as well as letting go.

He rolls his eyes and drops his shoulders as he turns to approach his bed and the person who is laying there. He sits on the edge of it and takes Osamu's hand when he offers his. They share a look and both remain silent, Suna admiring Osamu’s torso as he remains shirtless and with his free hand behind his head, showing that a couple of days without training for a tournament won’t take away the definition of his torso and muscles; while Osamu tours his face, looking for any sign that can provide an answer to the question he decides to ask him.

"D’you regret it?"

Suna bites his lower lip and shakes his head. "With you, never."

In two days he will go to Tokyo to spend the summer training with his new team and thus prepare for the first volleyball season of which he will be a professional part from then on. The graduation has already happened, but instead of enjoying the summer heat and the cold of an ice cream, both have chosen to spend a last moment alone, mutually demonstrating that they will miss each other, and that having put an end to their relationship has only been an attempt of formality, since both the hickeys on Suna's neck and collarbone and the moment they have spent together just a few minutes ago implies the same thing.

Ending a relationship doesn’t mean ending their feelings. They love each other and don’t consider it a mistake to have spent time together to somehow say goodbye to each other, although not a wise decision either because now they have even more memories to think about once it will be no longer possible to see each other after just sending a message or calling each other.

Osamu caresses his hand with his thumb until Suna again decides to take refuge in him, leaning down to rest his head on his chest, forcing himself not to close his eyes because he knows that if he does so, he will only be able to focus on Osamu's heartbeat, rhythm that anyway he listens.

"I can call ya, right?" Osamu asks him.

"Yes, you can." Suna assures him.

"And send you messages?"

"All the messages you want."

They choose to stay silent, again reminding each other that the conversations between them and the possibility of seeing each other will not be the only thing they will miss, but also the comfortable silence between the two because for them, words are not necessary all the time to know that the other is present.

"It's your turn to say it." Suna whispers.

"Why?"

"Because I broke up with you so it's only fair that you do so."

Suna takes his head off his chest to watch him and they both know he's right.

The palms of his hands remain on Osamu's torso while Osamu's hands slide to his cheeks, caressing the area under his eyes where he was sure that several tears had already slipped. Suna looks at him and Osamu looks at him.

"I will miss ya." Osamu assures him.

"I will miss you." Suna repeats.

They can repeat it many times, in different ways, but once is enough.

Manifesting that they will miss each other is as difficult as ending because it’s a reality they can’t fight against. Now it will only be up to them to decide how they will continue and how the relationship between them will change. Five hours will separate them and five can be the days or the minutes of difference between the text messages and the calls.

Suna moves to kiss Osamu as Osamu brings his arms around his neck.

They are no longer boyfriends but the emotions are still present, stronger and broken. They had had plenty of time to prepare for that moment but it still hurts. It’s a bitter feeling because it’s a farewell but it’s a sweet emotion since they are dealing with the situation in the best possible way. Loving someone hurts. Love hurts.

_Weeks_

Suna looks around, smiling as he meets familiarity.

He can't really complain. Perhaps he is no longer as well located as Komori and Washio, but Tokyo doesn’t represent a totally unknown world since he has lived there before moving to Hyogo, so he doesn’t feel lost or afraid. He finds familiarity as well as old memories that at that time are again present in the form of Akaashi returning with a glass of lemonade for himself and another for him.

They had both gone to the same middle school together and kept in touch despite the fact that Suna had moved to Hyogo for three years, which at that time he is grateful because knowing that he has Akaashi is something that gives him security. They are in his house and he can only remember all the times he has been there, asking their parents to let them spend more time together even though it’s late.

Suna looks at Akaashi and smiles.

He has already met his teammates, and adjusting to his new routine is easy for him. Stretch his muscles, block balls, high-five with Komori when he saves a ball that he hits with his hand when they play practice games, and high-five with Washio when between the two they manage to block people from the other side of the net. Stretch again. Hide laughs and hold innocent smiles with Komori when they see Washio with Konoha.

Tokyo is big but his phone memory is bigger, and now his gallery is full of photos of him with Komori teasing Washio, of the three together, of Washio and Konoha together, he even has some pictures of Komori and Sakusa. Akaashi also appears, as well as Bokuto. And he also has photos of Osamu. Many, many photos of Osamu.

Suna takes a sip of his lemonade and can only think of the time that Osamu didn’t hesitate to chase Atsumu around the house because after being asleep he had added orange juice instead of lemon to the water he had prepared.

"Akaashi."

"Mhm?"

"Do you miss Bokuto?"

Akaashi hides his smile behind his glass after imitating him by sipping his lemonade.

In the same way that he has changed Hyogo for Tokyo, Bokuto has changed Tokyo for Osaka. They are both part of the same volleyball league.

"Always." Akaashi assures him, but his words are not melancholic, "Or as he would want me to say, owlways."

Suna lifts one of the corners of his mouth.

Akaashi has already a year dealing with and getting used to Bokuto's absence.

"Do you miss Hyogo already?" He adds.

Suna bites his lower lip and nods because there is no point in lying.

He feels that he is living the same reality again because he feels the same way he had felt when he had left Tokyo for Hyogo, with the difference that not everything is unknown and that he misses much more than before. From the first moment he had thought it would be difficult because Tokyo is not a kansai accent or a quiet afternoon coming back from training, it’s energy and vivid lights no matter what time of the day it is. He feels that he has two houses again and he knows that he can’t complain because he is not talking about houses, but about homes. Part of him is in Hyogo and part of him in Tokyo.

His phone vibrates and his mouth curls because he doesn't need to take it out to know it's Osamu. Suna hasn’t taken his new location to think of it as a whole new opportunity, to forget about Osamu and his life in Hyogo. Osamu is not his ex and Hyogo is not his former location, but a part of him.

Akaashi glances at him and smirks.

He had been a setter until recently and Suna is still a middle blocker, but they both know they can read each other, the same way no matter what position they had or continue to occupy, and no matter that they have spent years living in different parts.

"Don't worry," Akaashi mentions without needing Suna to say anything. "If you can remember what we said once, that somehow we would be together again, then you can be sure that the same can work for you and someone else."

Akaashi raises both eyebrows and Suna looks at him.

He keeps talking to Osamu, he keeps calling Osamu, he keeps missing Osamu.

He knows that Osamu has signed up for a culinary course and he’s happy for him.

He knows that Osamu misses his brother even if he doesn't say it out loud and he’s sad for him.

He knows that Osamu loves him as much as he still loves him.

Without adding a word, he and Akaashi make a clink with their lemonades because life is not easy and the people they love the most are not completely close to them, but at least once again they have each other to spend time together when Suna is not training and Akaashi safes himself from drowning between books. The distance sucks. It's not fair.

_Months_

Suna believes that Kita is beautiful, and he still keeps wondering how —the hell— he has ended up with Atsumu after having the chance to get the person he wants. But at the same time he can’t be impressed because Atsumu is as stubborn as he is determined, and if there’s someone who can understand the two parts that make him up, that’s the one and only Kita Shinsuke. Atsumu laughs as he tells how Bokuto turns out to be a faithful confident when it comes to making jokes in the Black Jackals' bedrooms, and Kita smiles. Kita can't help but laugh as he remembers how one afternoon he was surprised after thinking that a dog was a fox, and Atsumu smiles. It's fun to watch them together, and he knows he’s not the only one thinking that.

Akagi remains just as rebellious as Omimi just as serious, and Gin as funny and loyal. It’s good to see Aran and Riseki although he usually sees them as often as Atsumu because the four are part of the same division and therefore they are always crossing each other in games, greeting each other, knowing that they should have no mercy because now they must defeat each other instead of waiting for their plays to go well. They are no longer teammates, but rivals with a net in the middle and different teammates.

The tournament progresses and so time, the months go by and some games are won as others lost, but if there is something that remains the same, it’s the fact that Atsumu is the one that is monopolizing all the attention after continuing to tell stories because he likes attention and attention likes him, while Osamu is the one to be in the kitchen because he is preparing the next round of snacks.

What also doesn’t change is Suna choosing to take a look towards that part of the house and then get up to go, none of his former teammates taking that action as something new. Suna follows Osamu and Osamu follows Suna.

Suna is not nervous. The atmosphere is familiar because it’s the twins' house, and he has spent so many afternoons and nights by Osamu's side, looking at him and keeping him company, that approaching him at that moment is an action that his body has already memorized, since no matter how many months he passes in Tokyo, Hyogo is still part of his present, as well as Osamu, who gives him a glance before refocusing on the tray of onigiri that he’s ending.

His phone is still full of photos of him, of his messages, of his calls.

But having Osamu next to him is completely different. He is able to appreciate the fact that he has finally chosen to get rid of the grayish color of his locks to allow his natural black color to take over. Inwardly Suna celebrates because he is still taller, and also because the fact that Osamu has stopped playing volleyball doesn’t mean that his body has lost its shape.

"Is my brother still talkin’?" Osamu asks him.

"Of course." Suna replies because there is no other possible answer.

Suna looks at him and Osamu looks at him.

They have both grown up but are still the same people.

Suna likes volleyball, Osamu likes cooking.

Suna likes Osamu, Osamu likes Suna.

"So? You still haven't told me if you like it." Osamu expresses, shaking his hair.

Suna giggles and raises his eyes to the black color of his locks, now being the one with a darker hair color than his. "You know I like it, I told you when you called me to show me." Suna reminds him.

"I know, but perhaps yer opinion changed cuz a camera ruins the quality."

Suna reaches for his locks and fiddles with some, pretending to be looking for some grayish trail that he knows is no longer found. It’s weird after getting used to Osamu dyeing his hair just like his brother, but his face is just as attractive as well as the right hair color for him. "I do like it." Suna assures him, and lowers his gaze so that his eyes meet Osamu's.

Now they face each other but five hours are still between them, as well as five minutes is the distance between their messages. Osamu leans into the contact when Suna slides the hand he had left in his hair to caress his cheek, and they both smile the same way.

Time passes but emotions persist.

"Hey," Osamu begins to say, again turning his gaze to the food in front of him. "'Tsumu won't stay here cuz he'll go to Kita-san's, so if you wanna, y’know, you, mhm, well, if you wanna..." Suna smiles because neither he nor Osamu have commented on the backpack with which he has appeared once they had hugged after seeing each other again.

"You used to be more direct, Miya."

Osamu rests his eyes on him to take a look, and Suna smiles.

"Wanna spend the night here?" Osamu finally asks him.

Suna nods.

"You used to answer faster, Suna." Osamu adds, and he is the one to smile when Suna looks at him seriously.

"Yes, I want to spend the night here."

They both stare at each other and the only reason of their non-existent kiss is their former teammates waiting for them. But it's okay, they know how to wait, they know that they have the whole night to slide their hands through the newly developed muscles, kiss the same centimeters of skin and the same expressions, and share feelings that only continue to grow.

**long time no see,**

Suna wants to smile at the conformity that using Osamu's chest as a pillow for the back of his head gives him, as well as the tranquility that seeing their intertwined fingers provides him, but he can only continue to see their hands, together, touching, as holding a neutral expression on his face. It would soon become a reality transformed into one more image, and although he is used to having more images each time his head starts to wander, he’s tired of having an ever-increasing pile of memories as time goes by.

"Yer really quiet."

Suna narrows his gaze when he feels Osamu's lips rest a kiss on his dark brown locks. The two are in Osamu's new apartment. He likes it, it's comfortable, simple, like Osamu. The next morning he comes back to Tokyo as Osamu will go on with his life in Hyogo. Always the same routine.

"I'm a quiet person." Suna mentions.

What can he say that they don't know anymore and that he hasn’t said? Nothing.

Always, and without fail, one goes and the other stays. It’s their reality.

"Y’know that doesn't work with me."

One of the corners of Suna's mouth curls and he chooses to look around. The first light-blue and blue shades of the day decorate Osamu's room, endowing it with a palette of melancholy and familiarity. So many times they have stayed up late, either when they were still wearing the same uniform and had to speak quietly so as not to wake up Atsumu, as well as when a phone is what communicates them and they choose to stay awake until keeping the lights on is not necessary because natural light illuminates the tiredness but also the satisfaction on their faces.

Suna licks his lips and then bites the inner part of his cheek. Osamu's skin with his, his back meeting Osamu's torso, their legs tangled under the new sheets that Osamu's mother has bought for him, sheets that had previously been thrown aside because if despair consumes them when they are away from each other, when they are together they can only kill the same, running their bodies with their hands, with meaningless paths of kisses, with whispered words that die once expressed, but that continue to be remembered no matter how many days pass. The new hickeys that disrupt his skin continue to remind his of his school's banner no matter how many years have passed.

"Each time. It hurts more." He says without keeping his eyes fixed on somewhere.

Days get a little bit sadder, memories get a little bit stronger, nights get a little bit colder, and dreams get a little bit wilder.

Osamu's body doesn’t tense upon hearing his words. He had probably already preceded his words mentally because they both feel the same way. Comfortable with honesty, uncomfortable with actions that lead them to be sincere. Every time they see each other, if they enjoy the occasion more, it’s because the pain is getting stronger, the melancholy more solid.

"D’you regret it?"

Suna stops holding his hands with his to turn and rest his arms on Osamu's chest and then leave his chin on his hands. He looks at him and feels that he has gone back in time because it’s not the first time that he has heard that question. He is about to go to Tokyo again, and again doing that action involves leaving Osamu. More feelings, more emotions, more lost moments.

It’s the same question.

Years go by, seasons change, and life goes on.

Suna bites his lower lip and shakes his head. "With you, never."

It’s the same answer, always, over and over again.

But they are no longer the same, or perhaps yes, perhaps they are still themselves, but new versions mixed with them. The feelings are the same, bigger, more mature, more understandable. Osamu brings his hands to Suna's face to run his fingers through his locks and leans down to rest a kiss on his forehead. He likes his new haircut. He likes him. Suna looks at him when he adjusts himself again and tilts his head.

"Do you envy your brother?" He asks him.

"’Cuz he sees ya more often, just that."

Osamu looks at him, challenging him, and the corners of Suna's mouth rise.

"Because now he has, you know. Two people." He says.

Just as life goes on for them, it also goes on for others, and just as Atsumu has somehow always counted with Kita, whether it's scolding him, keeping an eye on him, or caring for him in any other way, now he also has Komori to keep him in check. Osamu and Suna are not the only ones to try new feelings, team up with old emotions. The years go by for everyone, and just as some people prefer to stay stuck in the past, and others focus on the present, some pay more attention to the future.

"I still don’t understand. Y’know, he is always talkin’ to me, but this time he’s kept everythin’ to himself." Osamu tells him as he caresses his cheek while his other hand stays on his arm. "Did he break up with Kita-san? I mean, I don't think so. I see Kita-san and he doesn't seem to want to throw a packet of rice over my head."

Suna stifles a giggle in Osamu's chest as he imagines Kita performing that action. "No, he's dating both of them now."

"My brother." Osamu narrows his gaze. "Two people goin' out, lovin' my brother." He forms a line and then arches an eyebrow.

Suna laughs. "And your brother loving the two of them."

"I still don’t understand."

Osamu stares at him while Suna separates from him after resting his hands at the sides of his body, on the mattress, and smiles because Suna is laughing and it's nice, it’s good to hear him and see him laugh in front of him, just a few millimeters from him, and not through a screen. Suna looks at him when he glimpses that Osamu is looking at him and bites his lower lip while still smiling. Osamu lowers his hands to the nape of his neck and touches the tip of Suna's nose with his.

"I thought you were datin’ him," Osamu says, his words brushing Suna's lips, which stop forming a big smile but still holding an entertaining gesture on his face. Suna lowers his gaze to his lips and then looks at him again, his gaze narrowing for a second, and that second is enough for Osamu to understand because the years go by but the ability to read each other remains intact. "Komori."

"Komori?"

"Yeah, with all the pics ya post."

Suna licks his lips and settles on him after resting one of his hands on the pillow on which Osamu is leaning against the headboard to bring his other hand to his arm. "You know I like to post pics."

"You two are together all the time."

"I adapt."

"I know." Osamu continues to look at Suna when he continues to approach him but leaves a few millimeters between them once again when he is about to kiss him, "Ya don’t have to explain it to me, ya don’t own me any explanations."

Suna chooses not to mention a word, instead deciding to move after leaving his knees at the sides of Osamu’s lap, his chest almost meeting Osamu's. He wraps his arms around his neck as Osamu stops holding his hands on his face to slide them to his hips and then draw vertical lines on his back, his fingers meddling under the t-shirt Suna’s is wearing, which actually belongs to him. Suna holds a calm smile as he feels Osamu's fingertips running across his skin, then watches him, allowing a more serious expression to decorate his face.

"How did you feel when you thought I was dating him?"

Osamu looks at him because although it’s true that long ago they have gone from seeing each other every day to when their agendas allow them and they can no longer take it anymore, it’s also true that he knows that Suna is the provocation himself when he wishes, and that if he acts in that way, it’s because he allows him to.

"Irritated." He replies.

Suna holds his chin up and lowers his gaze to his lips.

"Really?"

"Annoyed."

"I see."

"Sad." Osamu adds and Suna looks at him. Osamu's hands drop to stay on his hips and he avoids smiling when he learns that Suna swallows because if he has dated Suna, it’s because he can handle the same level of provocation. "You don't hafta worry about me."

Suna strokes the beginning of his hair at his nape.

"I don't worry about you, I care about you."

"Y’know you can go out with whoever you want."

"Do you really mean that?" Suna is painfully close to him but Osamu would accept that kind of provocative distance any day instead of being alone as he is used to. "You really mean it?"

For Suna, tournaments pass. For Osamu, his customers change.

But if there is one thing that remains the same, it’s that Osamu continues to know what Suna is like. And he is so, so addicting, and he is so compelling. And he is so, so dangerous.

"No."

Suna smiles, and a soft kiss on his lips is Osamu’s reward for responding the right way, the way Suna had hoped. But Osamu is the one who gives him a second kiss because, like Suna, he gives and takes away. Suna continues smiling, and although Osamu at that moment widens the distance between them after resting his head against the headboard, being aware that it’s too late, or perhaps too early, he feels comfortable because Suna is with him.

"It was fun," Suna tells him, cocking his head. "Being in the middle." He remembers the libero of his team and the brother of the person in front of him, asking him the same kind of questions, with nerves, with enthusiasm, with curiosity. "Atsumu now has double love. Don't you envy him?" Suna asks him, and Osamu is sure that this is a new silent challenge.

Suna chooses not to mention many words that Osamu doesn’t need Suna to express out loud to know his true intentions. "I just need yer love."

Osamu raises his hands to the middle of his back to draw him to him and thus make his foreheads stay together.

"Have you thought about dating someone else?" Suna asks, closing his eyes.

"Some people sometimes appear at the shop tellin’ me ‘bout their daughters, or that I‘m alone and that I need someone, but I always answer in the same way," Osamu assures him.

"What?"

"My heart already belongs to someone."

Osamu separates from him to look at him and Suna opens his eyes to correspond to his gaze, on that occasion, brownish. "And that someone's heart hurts for the same reason." Suna says, because although he is glad that Osamu frees him from all doubts, the security between them doesn’t take away that the distance continues to exist.

Sometimes they think it's some kind of curse, maybe it is.

Atsumu goes out with Kita and Komori and the three of them live in different places.

The two of them too.

Komori and Suna live close to each other.

Kita and Osamu too.

Atsumu is forty-five minutes away from Osamu, and a few minutes more from Kita.

They are a map of people who despite the distance try, and do their best to find each other. Sometimes with certainty, sometimes with doubts, asking questions that can’t be answered until arriving at destination. Life is not perfect and they must deal with the greatness of the world, of the cities, of the routes.

"D’you want us to end this?" Osamu asks him.

Suna lets his shoulders drop and his hands slide to stay on Osamu's chest, Osamu's hands promptly reaching for his to entwine their fingers. Suna lowers his gaze towards them and exhales a breath. It’s exhaustive, it’s really tiring. Dealing with the distance is difficult but he can’t complain because it’s a matter of hours, not days. They don't even have different time zones. But it hurts anyway, it hurts because moments like that can only happen on a few occasions.

"What is _this_?" He asks instead of answering.

"I dunno, I don't know anymore."

Osamu doesn’t bother to waste time looking for a convincing answer because it doesn’t exist. It’s a kind of relationship, maybe it’s a relationship, twisted in its own way, but it hurts more than it brings joy and a relationship is supposed to bring more happiness than sadness. There is no perfection when they are together, there is no perfect relationship. But many imperfections can sometimes lead to the collapse of it. Are they collapsing despite assuring each other that they don't want anyone else, that they don't look at anyone else? Provocation is dangerous but so is insecurity. They can’t allow doubts to overlap the trust they have managed to build through all those years.

Suna looks at him and Osamu looks at him.

"I don't know either." Suna assures him. "But I don't want it to end."

It hurts, but the pain would hurt more if there was nothing, just a void with a name.

Osamu licks his lips and separates his hands from his to put his arms around Suna's waist, thus attracting him completely. "Good, ‘cuz I don't wanna end it either." He says, and only lets Suna smile before capturing his lips with his.

It hurts.

_Years_

Suna and Komori look at each other to try to laugh as low as possible once they hear the coach call Washio for the third time, Washio again asking him for a few more minutes to continue talking on the phone. Suna remains with his legs extended to the sides of his body and leans to allow his stomach to touch the floor, since with each training carried out and each tournament that has passed, his muscles continue to develop as well as his elongation perfecting.

"Why do you think he seems so serious?" Komori asks in a low voice.

"Surely Konoha-san is telling him that they should go with blue suits but Washio-san wants them to go with black." Suna tells him, and again they both laugh.

Akaashi and Bokuto are getting married.

No one is surprised, just happy.

Tokyo, Osaka, Miyagi, Hyogo, everyone knows it.

The love between them knows no barriers as well as the friendships that both have formed with the people they know.

"Atsumu, Kita and I will wear black suits." Komori tells him.

"Atsumu, Kita and I." Suna repeats, fiddling with the words in his mouth along with a big entertaining smile, and can only laugh when Komori sticks his tongue out at him as he brings one knee to his chest and hugs it with his arms while leaving his other stretched leg.

"It's your fault, you know, for talking about him all the time."

"Then we could say that I'm, kind of like, your Cupid?"

"Not really, you just don't shut up."

"It's Kita-san, you can't blame me."

"True."

Akaashi and Bokuto are getting married.

Komori, Atsumu and Kita are dating.

Four hours between Tokyo and Osaka, five hours between Tokyo and Hyogo.

None of them care.

Clearly.

"We like black. After spending three years looking like a fluorescent banana, luckily they have agreed to go with the darkest color just for me." Komori expresses and Suna lets out an inevitable laugh as the years go by but there are things that are never forgotten, such as the fact that Komori has had to spend his high school years in the colors yellow and green.

It’s true that there are things that never change, such as the fact that Suna keeps leaving his phone beside him while he stretches, and that he also doesn’t need to direct his eyes towards it to know that now is vibrating because Osamu is the one to send him a message. But Komori does look at the screen and then at Suna.

"So... will you go with someone?" He asks him.

Komori raises both eyebrows as well as holds a smile on his face because although Suna doesn't have to read him once they are playing since Komori is the one to defend his back, Suna can still read the real words behind his question. But before he can say anything, Komori snorts because the coach sends him to find Washio.

Suna laughs but remains serious after seeing Komori approaching Washio.

It hurts, he can't deny it.

It hurts to see the people around him having the possibility of being with the people they love. Akaashi and Bokuto are engaged and soon married, Washio and Konoha live minutes apart and the latter is always present every time they play, and Atsumu appears often even though four hours are the ones keeping Tokyo and Osaka apart.

He misses Osamu, and it hurts.

He is used to the pain, to the melancholy that accompanies his thoughts. But he is also used to living with it, to the trace of sadness that appears as an his ally when it’s cold at night and it would be more pleasant to hug someone instead of his pillow, when he passes by an interesting food place and the only thing that he can do is take a photo and send it instead of proposing to visit it accompanied, when he greets Konoha at the stands, and when he smiles because Komori is happy when Atsumu appears. He doesn’t believe that envy is something bad but it’s painful, because he can only settle for wishes and thoughts that will never pass.

Five hours. Five unfortunate hours.

He blinks several times when Komori sits down in front of him again, this time with Washio at his side, who glances at them both before starting to stretch his arms. "Do you think blue fits me well?" He asks them, and Komori and Suna laugh since it's the color of their team, all three getting the coach to scold them instead of just Washio.

Five damn hours. But also five blessed minutes.

Suna picks up his phone and sends a question to his most recent conversation.

Sometimes five seconds.

He looks at the affirmative answer to his question and a smile appears on his face because he can't wait to see the way in which Akaashi and Osamu will fight for the onigiris.

**Hello.**

Suna remains with his arms on the railing of his balcony, watching the traffic that characterizes Tokyo as well as the lights that make that city something unique. Sometimes the noise is annoying when he wants to take a nap because his neighbors are not the quietest people, and he still laughs because he will never forget the time he has been lost with Komori in the subway although Komori has always lived there and he spent part of his life too, but Tokyo has its own charm. He has to make his own place in a tide of faces, either buying a comfortable apartment, playing volleyball, and sometimes being recognized in some places for the same reason. He stands out more than others but he’s not the focus of attention either, and it allows a smile to appear on his face for the same reason.

He finally stops looking around when his phone vibrates and the smile on his face only continues to spread once he chooses to stop being on his balcony to quickly approach his door as he listens to the sound of the doorbell. He opens the door and like all the previous times, Osamu is the one to take a step to put his arms around him, Suna immediately responding to the hug. Suna is the one who takes the step in Hyogo, Osamu when he travels to Tokyo.

Five hours.

Sometimes five steps.

Sometimes, none.

He closes his eyes because it’s the first time they are seeing each other in four months and he smiles because he knows they have been through even more time without seeing each other. They have already accepted the distance as well as the feelings involved in it, the irony embodied in the fact that they have never actually been in a distance relationship. They are not ex-boyfriends, they have never been in a distance relationship.

They are Suna and Osamu. Osamu and Suna.

They pull apart once Suna finishes checking that Osamu continues to have broad shoulders and Osamu that wrapping his arms around Suna's waist is something he still likes to do, but Suna's face changes once they remain face to face.

"No." Is the first thing he says.

Osamu holds his best proud smile.

"No!" Suna complains, and walks away from him.

Osamu giggles and takes the small suitcase he has left at the door to move it and close the door behind him. Suna crosses his arms over his chest and straightens himself the best he can because just as his phone is always in his hand no matter how much time passes, his posture has never improved no matter if volleyball is still his present, but he lets his shoulders drop when straightening doesn’t change his new, and unfortunate reality.

"Hey, ya sure you can see me well from down there?" Osamu asks him.

Suna's jaw drops and he punches Osamu's chest lightly. It’s barely an inch, perhaps millimeters, but now Osamu is the tallest.

"Not fair." Suna complains.

"Fair." Osamu contradicts. "Perhaps the solution is eating onigiri."

"Of course not, Akaashi loves onigiri and he’s still shorter than me."

"The onigiris I make." Osamu corrects himself, and takes the opportunity to lift the bag he has been holding all along.

Suna recognizes the logo of Osamu’s brand but rolls his eyes even though he takes the bag.

"First, I won’t eat it because I’m fine with my height," He assures him, although his previous reaction shows the opposite, and he continues to demonstrate the same after turning to head towards the kitchen of his apartment, though he still remains with the bag in his hands when he turns around in front of his counter. "And second, five hours, Osamu. Five. Even your onigiri must be ew."

Osamu gives him a wide smile and Suna bites his lower lip when the distance is shortened between them because Osamu rests the palms of his hands on the counter, at the sides of his body. "Why don'tcha see the bag?"

"What? Did you buy here? That would a surprise."

Suna rolls his eyes to later look at the bag, arching an eyebrow to then look at it again because the logo from Osamu’s brand is the one decorating the bag.

"What? It’s your brand."

"Look at it again." Osamu insists, and raises one of his hands to start caressing him at the beginning of his scalp when Suna again looks down.

Suna runs his eyes through the colors he is used to seeing but squints when he sees five new letters that he has never actually seen attached to his shop’s logo.

Tokyo.

Five letters.

Five.

His eyes widen and he looks up to stare at Osamu.

"Five hours," Osamu says looking at him. "I decided to bring my suitcase cuz I plan to stay here anyway, although now instead of five hours, if I'm not wrong, it's only half an hour from my apartment to yers, and forty-five minutes from my new local to here."

"Osamu."

"Rin."

"Don’t joke with me."

Osamu raises one of the corners of his mouth while still looking at him.

"I don’t."

"Half an hour." Suna repeats, and Osamu nods. Suna sets the bag aside. "Half an hour?" He asks, and Osamu nods. "I'm going to kill you for saying absolutely nothing to me! You idiot!" He doesn't hesitate to add before surrounding his neck as he had just done five minutes ago, although that time with more force not because Osamu is about to leave and therefore will miss him, but because Osamu will stay and he still misses him.

Osamu wraps his arms around his waist and they both smile the same way.

"I wanted it to be a surprise cuz I dunno if you have noticed, but I think that waitin’ for months to see each other... that doesn’t go with us, don'tcha think? I still don't like it no matter how long we've been doing it."

Suna moves to look at him and smiles as he bites his lower lip.

"No, I don't like it at all." He assures him, and they both laugh.

It sucks.

Keep talking without seeing each other.

Keep knowing about each other but not being able to hug.

Having to put up with questions from their friends, asking them if they plan to meet someone or continue to cling to the past when in fact they haven’t ceased to be part of each other's present, as well as the future. Video calls with smiles, calls with yawns in between, messages with emojis that never end. It sucks. Seeing each other and then hug and start the cycle again. Sometimes with a few tears because it hurts to come and go, be and move. It really sucks. It’s not a distance relationship, they aren’t exes.

They are simply two people unable to let go of each other.

Totally stubborn and willing to endure five hours.

"Hey, don't cry, hey, you don't have waterproof eyeliner this time either."

Suna is not crying but Osamu giggles anyway after seeing black lines decorating his eyelids, and Suna doesn’t hesitate to show the offense on his face. "Did you know that I stained my entire pillow that time?"

"Of course." Osamu assures him, "Oh, and by the way, I cried too."

"Well, of course."

Five centimeters.

Osamu rolls his eyes and Suna smiles. Osamu lowers his eyes to his lips, and Suna keeps smiling.

"Hey, can I ask ya a question," Osamu asks, and looks back at Suna when he nods. "Wanna be my boyfriend?"

"I think I need to think about it, what do you think if I answer you in five hours?"

Osamu rolls his eyes again and Suna smiles.

"No more five hours." He asks, tightening the hug.

"Yes, I want to be your boyfriend." Suna replies, him being the one to look at his lips, "Again."

Five millimeters.

They think it’s ironic because they got used to the distance but the distance is not used to them. Osamu moves and Suna moves, and again they join their lips as they are accustomed to doing every time they see each other, regardless of the difference in time between the last time they have seen each other. Zero. None. No kind of distance. Now the only possible goodbye is saying good night before going to sleep and then say good morning with the same kind of smile the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
